fullsizerenderIf you don’t know me well let me just tell you that some things in my life are new to me and I’m still learning, so pardon me. I’ve recently picked up a few hobbies one of them being my new collection of stones. Over the past few months, I’ve managed to purchase a quartz, an amethyst, and my newest discovery an African bloodstone yoni egg. Please excuse me in advance for getting a little graphic with ya’ll but I feel the need to tell this story to help my fellow experimenters.  I bought the bloodstone yoni egg a few weeks ago but have been a little hesitant to use it because I’ve always been reluctant to stick things in my coco tunnel. I don’t even use tampons so sticking a stone up my yoni was a little bit different. But you know me, I’ll do anything to achieve inner peace.

Well, guess what! My ass decided to try my new yoni egg this morning.  My goal was to insert the egg and to do some and kegel exercises while out shopping, but the joke was on me. Afer primping, pressing and cleaning my egg I attached a piece of string to the stone before inserting it and attempting to go on my journey.  Without direct instructions in front of me, I squat down and inserted the egg into my vagina. Shortly after sticking the egg up my tunnel I realized I had lost it and the darn string attached to it.

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“OHHHHH DAMMMMNNNN!!! WTF DID I JUST DO?!!” (insert tears)

I freakin’ panicked! Here I am home alone, scared to death with a foreign object plunged up my secret tunnel.  In panic mode, I explored my great walls trying to feel for the object, but I was so frantic it only seemed like I was pushing the egg further up the tunnel. Realizing there was nothing I can do at the moment besides calm down, I opted to just go to the store to try calm my nerves.

Needless to say going to the store didn’t help. The entire time I was in the store I was lunging, squatting, and kicking my leg trying to get the thing to fall out my vagina. Still in panic mode, I went back onto Naturotica Wellness to see if anything was posted in the frequently asked questions about retrieving a lost egg. I found nothing on the site to help me in my current situation besides a few reminders that the site is a store and not a clinic so if you have an emergency contact your doctor, and all beginners should start their journey with a large egg because smaller eggs are for experts.  Well, I be damned! They say reading is fundamental, somehow I overlooked the part that said small eggs are for experts.

“OMGG!! How am I going to get this small egg out of me? I’m gonna have to go to the gynecologist to get it removed. I wonder if I can use some tweezers and a mirror for this job. Oh please… oh please spear me from the doctor’s office embarrassment!”

Upon arriving back home I snatched my pants off, grabbed a mirror and got back to searching my tunnel.  After few minutes of unsuccessful digging I picked up the phone and began to call every Ob-Gyn in the area hoping to get a walk in appointment and assistance with my disabled yoni.  I had no luck in finding a doctor to take a walk -in appointment so my last resort was to go to the emergency room and there was no way I was going down there to tell them I had lost something in my great walls.

Thank goodness for my sistah Orgasmik Intelligence for posting the Youtube video that saved my yoni and me from embarrassment. I was able to scoop the egg out of my vagina after listening to her instructions and most important remaining calm.  So here’s a message to my fellow sisters, if you should ever discover that you have lost something in your tunnel of love. Don’t panic, remain calm, and get to scooping!